From Pessimism to Optimism

Over the last year, I have been fortunate to facilitate the course “From Stress to Strength.” This class is for caretakers of children with medical problems/disability/autism. It is based on the course initially taught at Vanderbilt called Positive Adult Stress Reduction.

“When the Caregivers Need Healing”
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/29/health/when-the-caregivers-need-healing.html?_r=0
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?term=miodrag+autism

There are several sessions; I facilitate the last session called “From Pessimism to Optimism.”

Every time I prepare for this session, I find the audience very challenging, since I am empathetic for these parent. 

How can I facilitate a discussion on being optimistic, challenges in my life are nothing compared to these parents. I have always tried to be optimistic and look for solutions, but I cannot tell these parents that all your problems will be solved if you are optimistic. During previous sessions, I am listening to the struggles, caretakers complain about school not providing services, family and friends not being supportive including their spouses, financial struggles, feeling isolated from society since they cannot participate in events due to issues with their child, and unable to trust others to care for their child. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

Why should we try to be optimistic or even neutral compared to being pessimistic?
- Increases lifespan
- Lower rates of depression
- Lower levels of distress
- Greater resistance to the common cold
- Better psychological and physical well-being
- Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
- Better coping skills during times of stress

Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950

As a physician, I was always taught to practice and preach evidence-based medicine. There is data showing that decreasing stress and being optimistic has health benefits while stress/pessimistic attitude has a negative effect on health. Most of us recall getting sick around finals (high stress)!

Before starting my session, I remind myself, everyone can try to be optimistic, no matter what the challenges are in life. In the end, we all want to be healthier, happier and try to live longer!

How do I train myself to be optimistic? I am going to share a few personal anecdotes.

1. Be thankful and forgive others
I was running my usual loop, suddenly I hear a siren, it is a police officer chasing after me since he thought I was a kid running away from home. I forgave him for chasing me while I was listening to Adele and running. I am thankful that our police officers care for the safety of our children, just in case if I really was a child running away from home!

2. What I can control and what I can let go of it.
I can control my reaction to comments and questions but I cannot stop people staring and reacting to me being different. If someone asks me my age, they are obviously curious if I am an adult, so I tell them my age and proceed checking out at the grocery store. The same way, if your child has a breakdown at a restaurant, you can ignore all the stares and focus on your child by trying to discipline or leave the restaurant. Do not worry about other people, they will forget in a few minutes.


3. I might be stuck in my grief, preventing me from finding solutions or challenging myself. Accept you have a problem and try to find a solution.
I cannot reach the hand sanitizer or patient’s bed to examine. I have got to accept that I am short and I will carry my stool with 50 other things in my hand. I don’t need to worry about my biceps at the gym (definitely my triceps since they arent being used); I use that muscle all day carrying a 7 lb stool.

4. Use my strengths in a new way to build my confidence.
Each of us has strengths. I know I am a friendly person, so I try to be personable and ignore the stares/obvious judgements and they quickly forget I look different.


5. Negative thought patterns to neutral or positive ones.
Change the words you use, instead of saying NEVER say POSSIBLY or DEFINITELY!

These are just a few things I can tell caregivers and everyone else to try. If you are positive, people will enjoy the energy around you. Your relationship with family and friends will improve. You will notice your children will be happier and surprise you on how much they can achieve.


I do not feel I am the perfect person to facilitate “From Pessimism to Optimism” since I am not dealing with their problems in their shoes. I just hope we can all try to be more optimistic, it will improve everyone’s health and maximize potential.